Weddings are beautiful and last a day.
Marriages are complicated and last a lifetime.
Marriages are premised on the wonderful, but also bizarre, assumption that two people who are a bundle of experiences and impulses can stick together over a lifetime.
There is no script, and no two marriages are the same.
There are, however, some common challenges that relationships entering a more serious chapter face. How can we communicate deeply? How do we think about the parents we come from and the parents we might become - or not? How can we talk honestly about money and class, sex, ambition and expectations? Can we talk about gender norms – the ones we hate and the ones we actually sort of like?
Traditionally, to prepare for marriage, Jews have written out the commitments they were making to each other and the steps they would take when – not if - things got hard. Called a ketubah, these contracts set out the terms of each individual marriage. Thousands of years ago, we lived in a world where only one gender had legal and financial power, and commitments were made in goat-value.
Thankfully, we live in a very different world, but the fundamentals of marriage remain the same: each marriage is different, and everyone is well served to think about what commitments they want to make when – not if – things get hard.
I work with couples who are interested in diving deep into their relationship together, regardless of gender, sexual orientations or faith backgrounds.
Of course, we work together to make sure the wedding day is beautiful, but most of our time together is spent preparing the ketubah so your marriage is strong. The Jewish tradition provides some framing language, but the heart of the ketubah is the way each partner wants their relationship to grow because they are married.
If you'd like to get a sense of what this looks like on your wedding day, please take a look at these testimonials and check out the video below, and if this approach feels right for you, please use the form below to be in touch.